Temptation (poem + thoughts)

That itch that feeling of want not a need

the sensation that you can’t point a finger to

that feeling that lies to you yet seems true

that vibration from your heart to head

that makes you think outside your head

and into your soul

to fill it and make it whole

that fox we call temptation

that creeps without hesitation

and swipes our logical meat

that leads to our defeat

 

As I wrote that poem and reflected on the meaning of temptation, I realize that it is one of the biggest problems in society today. Temptation is something we neglect but it is always around us. Marketing exists because of temptation. Obesity, drug addiction, debt, divorce, diet issues and even jealousy exists because of temptation. We crumble and fail so easy when it comes to things that tempt us. Where I live there’s a Popeye’s literally a block away from my house, you really think I’m not gonna go and get a 3 piece? Is it good for me to get one? Hell no. Am I still gonna do it…probably. That’s temptation. I’ve always had a problem with it and I know a lot of you reading this probably have a “Popeye’s” in your life.

One of my vegetarian friends actually shocked me recently, she started her journey about 6 months ago and I was extremely skeptical. Me and her used to eat chicken pizzas and make fun of each other. #SnowEater For some reason I invited her to by BBQ and forgot to get some vegetarian options, so she watched us eat some amazing burgers and didn’t even flinch as the warm buns meet our mouths. Man that’s discipline. She didn’t fall into temptation. That’s something I’d like to explore with some of my readers today. The issue of temptation is something that we all struggle with, it’s a fight in our head and sometimes our soul. Do we succumb to what we want? Or do we do what we Need to do? My friend could have said “fuck it, toss me that beef” and I’d probably throw the burger in her buns and casually laugh. But she had the self control to literally eat tomatoes with salt instead of letting temptation get the best of her.

Temptation is why social media exists, we are tempted to find validation through our “posts” rather than let it be and do what we need to do (like the dirty dishes or laundry). Plain and simple we need too get past our temptations. It’s not easy but I know some of mine and I’m working on them. So I encourage everyone reading this to find one thing in your life that is tempting you; Video games, social media, drinking, smoking, girls, guys, bad food, bad people, toxic friends, anything that is removing from your life. I want us to give a week of restraint and discipline. Where we ignore and fight this urge. Self control, discipline, restraint…all three of those things are the key. High key, Major Key. (word to DJ Khaled).

Perception

In 1993 Ice Cube released the critical and lyrical smash hit “Check yo self” off his second album The Predator. The chorus has been one that has recently been floating around my head. “Check yo self before you wreck yourself”. If you have a few brain cells you understand the message behind this chorus. It’s about self examination. A lot of people need to check themselves cause they’re going to wreck themselves. I am one of those people. I’ve been the type of person who is able to analyse and objectively look at myself, self analysis. But we are going to discuss a large aspect of human life that we all seem to ignore or we unconsciously control. As you’ve guessed from the title, Perception is what I want to discuss. Plain and simple the way we are perceived matters, a lot. The way people see us is key to how we live our lives. If you are a catholic priest then you have a specific perception from people. A man of god, a man of guidance or a potential pedophile (depending on who you talk to). When it comes to perception there’s a lot we can control but I’d argue that we have a lot that we can not control. Recently I’ve been evaluating what my perception is. Am I who I think I am? Am I who people think I am? Am I honest when I express who I am? These are questions that tornado around my head in the past week. As you read this I hope you do the same, reflect on these questions. Some aspects of perceptions are out of our control. I’m black, so how society generally views me is out of my control. Before I even speak there is a perception of who I am, I don’t have to spell it out for you. Another example is ┬ábeing a woman, there’s automatically a perception and pre-conceived notions about who she is. We communicate on multiple levels displaying to people what they should think of us. There’s the rare few that really don’t care about their perception, they are free from the judgement of others. I used to be one of them. The problem with that is “I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks” is unrealistic in this globalized world. I’m not saying that as people we should micro manage who we are to please the masses. That’s fake. I don’t want to encourage being something or someone you’re not to please others. Never. I want to encourage us as a generation, as a people to understand the importance of perception. Before you go on that facebook rant about whatever taboo topic, before you post that picture, before you act a fool on snapchat, try to understand the implications. The freedom of expression is a beautiful thing but there will always be ramifications. As I take this journey through life, I’m starting to understand the importance of perception. It is never too late to learn. The way we express ourselves in day to day life with our family and friends is key. They usually will tell us the truth and expose their personal feelings about us. We must listen to family and friends, but we can’t ignore acquaintances, co workers, classmates and the general public. They view us (you and me) in a very specific way, the manner in which we present ourselves matter. We live in a capitalist society where everyone is trying to sell us something. So it is natural that we should sell ourselves, sell ourselves to be the best commodity out there. We should be the sweetest pineapple in the grocery store, the best book in the shop, the best drug in the streets, the best player on our team and so forth. How do we become that? By listening to Ice Cube.

Check yo self before you wreck yo self.

Same Drugs (Jaymix)

we stayed on the same wave

tripped at the same rave

took that pill and it wasn’t in ibilza

but you made me feel like it was

we got old doing the same drugs

we scratched the same bugs

we were tripping and fell

fell in love

don’t you miss the days

stranger

i miss those days, the

danger

we don’t do the same drugs no more

it wasn’t the pills or the powder or the grass

it wasn’t the face, the skin, the ass

it was deeper than that

we grew old and i still recognized your soul

when the drugs didn’t fill me you made me whole

when my heart was empty you filled it up

now the only memory of you are the drugs that fill me up

you don’t do the same drugs no more

you lost your marbles and so did I

you became my angel, I saw you fly

so i’ll take this hit and get high

in memory of you my angel, in the sky

Why I hate rappers

They’re fake plain and simple. I’m talking mostly about underground “up and coming” rappers that send you facebook links. Fakes. Phonies. Its a bandwagon a lot of guys are hopping on to get fame and notoriety. Similar to the “photographer” and youtuber trend going on but worse. It isn’t an intrinsic need to spit bars or actually do something different in the rap game, its just a front for some likes, some favorites, some comments, some gratification for their useless lives. A lot of men have lost their way, especially young black men. Our society has created an image, a character of black youth: we are ghetto, stupid, ignorant, violent and bad which becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy when they run from books but fiend for studio time. It’s annoying to hear every week a new kid decides to be a rapper. It’s so stupid because 95% of rappers are pure trash, and that includes industry types. If the rappers with record deals are mostly trash (which is why some of them never even release a debut shouts out to Lil Twist). Some rappers aren’t even able to release music like Lil Wayne or Chief Keef. On the subject of Chief Sosa, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend where Ottawa rappers are trying to emulate his flow and the “Chiraq” drill movement that ended in 2014. Even if they don’t live that life, they decide to fake it till they make it. It’s pathetic. Struggle rappers is this path worth it? Even if we look at more present examples, Young Thug creates amazing music but he also has terrible doo doo music without any reply value (most of Slime Season 3). Even legendary artists like Drake release trash music so who are you rappers to actually have the ego that you’re the next one up with a trash mixtape on Datpiff? The content of most rappers is terrible and when it comes to Struggle Rappers (the underground roaches I was talking about) they literally rap about the same lies. “I be getting bitches” when they’re virgins, “I got rarri ” when they have a G1 and drive their mom’s honda, “I got them choppas” when they’ve never wielded a knife or even seen a gun in real life, “I get money” when they can’t afford a 1.89 Jr. Chicken from McD’s. Liars. They also have the audacity to flex with chains and jewelry to pretend they live the life they portray. Rappers are literally actors.

What is my beef? I want trash rappers to quit. All I want is good music and if these struggle rappers had respek for hip hop or music in general they’d quit. I commend ILoveMcKonnen for quitting rap cause we don’t need his music at all. He had one good song that doesn’t mean he has any value to hip hop. In an ideal world most struggle rappers would follow suit, and quit but sadly we don’t live in an ideal world. This stains hip hop, the more trash we have the worse our culture looks. We can’t disrespect rap by letting these struggle rappers get away with the fuckery. Rapping isn’t for everyone, there are other options: like poetry, writing, art, and music other genders of music. On the surface it pisses me off that we let these trash rappers exist, but on a deeper level I’m sad for the state of hip hop. So I suggest we, as consumers and lovers of the culture, ignore and disregard trash rappers, struggle rappers or mediocre rappers. We’ve dealt with enough of those already.

 

P.S. “Coloring Book” by Chance the Rapper is a better body of work than Drake’s “Views”

We used to be…

it’s sad that we don’t talk like we used to, even though I used to be the nigga you were used to

you used me and i used you, we played games, no nintendo. could have been the princess to my mario. but now i see you with another

hiding how i feel like i’m undercover, because i know you have another lover. while i found love in the worst places tight enclosed spaces

you were venus to my mercury now i’m pluto. so far from me, but i never tried to bag you like groceries but yet you were my fantasy

not a subtweet, its direct to see. i know you’re reading this, you mean all to me. forget April fools, you’re my May flower

what we used to be, is something we’ll never be. that hurts me more than it hurts you. maybe my mind misses the memories more than the reality but i’ll still love you eternally

 

-via twitter

Late Night Thoughts (vol. 1)

As I sit here at 1:35 AM on a Sunday morning, with a lot of thoughts in mind I decided to do something I haven’t done in a while: write to the readers. I have focused on poems and poetry as a means of expression because it has been fluid, clear and interesting. But it is good to stir the pot from time to time. This is the middle of May, and a lot has happened since my last blog post. By no means will this be a journal of my life or a world events type of post, but a quick summary wouldn’t hurt. Prince has died from a prescription drug overdose, fires at Fort McMurray, Trump dominance, Drake has “Views” and so forth. My life has been the same and that’s pathetic. Where am I going with this? I want to analyze the value of change. A lot of us take it for granted, change is amazing. We walk through this world expecting a routine in our lives. Wake up, brush teeth, shower, dress up, work (or school), back home, relax (0r homework), sleep, repeat. It’s sad. We are afraid of change. It’s something we want but fear. It’s been a theme that’s been surrounding my head ever since 2016 started, the desire of change but the fear of it as well. I can only speak about myself but have you ever felt that change was something you need but were not ready to take? It is like that assignment or project that is due but you keep pushing it off as if it will magically create and finish itself. It’s that text you thought you sent but got distracted by something else. It’s that song you said you would look up but forgot about it. That is what change is.

We all want change. It’s something I’ve been looking for recently. We all want to climb that mountain and face that challenge, to get uncomfortable. The issue with change is that it involves vulnerability, a trait that many people try to hide. A lot of young people (below 25 typically) have a large fear of being vulnerable. I’m not speaking for everyone, I’m just speaking for the Ottawa, Canadians I know (small number of people). That’s the real reason we are afraid of change. I believe in John Locke’s philosophy of tabula rasa, we are all born a “blank slate” but the experiences we have and the influence we get from our environment suppresses our natural adventurous spirit. We are afraid of being vulnerable. I am one example of this. We are afraid of looking “soft” so we hide behind a mirror of consistency. We follow an imaginary line that we created. A line of how we “should” act, what we “should” do and who we “should” do it with. We are afraid of looking weak, when the strongest people are the ones that embarced change. We build a wall of routine, chill in a Jacuzzi habits within a home of comfort while never trying to change the setting. Once we build this land we are afraid of that big unknown, change. We are fascinated by it, like a zoo animal but we look and don’t touch. This isn’t a critique of our generation, this is not a critique of our city, our people, our country, our culture, it’s an observation of how people are. It is a mirror I’m placing on my own face. That life is more than what we construct. It is about the unknown.

We are not guaranteed a day on this earth, we are not promised life. We live in an ever changing speck of dust in the universe and we have arrogance to stay the same. Nah bro, that ain’t for me. So get uncomfortable, do weird things, go on adventures because that is what life is meant for. We will all be eaten by worms, decompose and return to dirt but before that happens we must constantly try to change. As I write this at 2:08am on a Sunday morning, I want all of us to change from our way of thinking to our way of life.

Goodnight beloved