Its a Kardashian world and we living in it. Scratch that its an Instagram thot world and we all living in it ! “Fam why is you writing this post?” – Inner Intellictual Ratchet voice, because its a fuckin epidemic. I call it the Catfishification of our culture. Much like Alternative facts perpetuated by a powerful man, Alternative ass is encouraged and reinforced by all men! Issa a sad ting, so imma help each and every one of you thirst buckets to avoid the catfishification of your timeline! May the Alternative ass never prosper my g!

  1. Assess the Ass: The extra effort in analyzing the booty will avoid much stress and disappointment, a zoom in ting might be necessary. Its 2017, women understand the power of photoshop, make sure that doorframe doesn’t have a curvature, if so curve her like a blackberry.
  2. Sight the pop: Girls nowadays pop out the crease like its a cineplex popper, yup they’re poppin that ass out like its a kernel. Before you slide in her DMs and try to feast on her like KFC you gotta peep her kernel sanders lookin ass, yes is she popping out her ass in ever pic? If so you gotta pull a Plies and run off on the plug twice.
  3. Single her out: Aight i’m not a fan of objectification but my g if she’s actively advertising the fatty you have to asses but don’t let her finesse. There’s a trend of likkle booty broads chilling with tiny ass friends, this is why I encouraged further research. Compare shorty to other alluring creases, for the sake of research. We scientific outchea!

Honorable Mention=Peep her squat game. If she’s in the gym 24/7 then that fatty might be proper or Fat transfer #Staywoke

With the A.S.S. strategy we will eliminate Alternative ass one scroll at a time, done are the days of Jen Selter or Kylie Jenner, we on that Cocaine Lorraine and Bernice Burgos level. #Progression

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