First off I will acknowledge some important points. I’m a man, I have privilege that I’m aware of, I’m also a black man so my views are different from most. I’m a brother, a son and have multiple layers so before y’all come at me Imma make it clear that these opinions are my own. You can (and will) disagree and I expect you to. Now let’s get to the topic it. Over the past month we have seen sexual assaults, harassment, molestation and other disgusting allegations towards men in media (music, movies, journalism, etc.). This moved to the #MeToo movement where women raised their voices telling their honest raw stories about abuse. When I first saw the Harvey Weinstean accusations I thought this was bullshit, for real I saw it as Crosby 2.0 but worse. I was thinking bruh, these women want to finesse the pockets of this powerful man they want to sue the hell out of this guys and make money. A month later, I still think it’s bullshit but I came to the conclusion that this is a men’s issue and I’ll explain why.
Soon after #MeToo started trending and then I finally looked back and thought…”are women constantly getting abused?” “Am I an abuser?” “Are my friends abusers?” “are these women liars?” “Is it that bad?” and “what the hell is sexual harassment?”. I am not woke, matter fact I hate that term “woke” but I pride myself on this: I will always ask the uncomfortable questions, I will always listen and I will look for the full unfiltered truth. . So instead of having these questions swirl in my head I went to speak to black female friends about sexual assaults and what they think of this cultural shift where women are standing up. It is important to know that women of color (first nations and black women mostly) experience assault at higher rates than white women, that’s a fact. I had to ask them first before anything. What I learned was that their personal view of assault was different, and their view of which offence deserved punishment was different as well. For example, if a mans goes to the club and tries to grind on a girl, some may view that as sexual assault while others could just view it as a dude tryna get sum. Another friend of mine said if a guy is at a bar getting drinks with a girl, if he takes less shots than a girl (he bought the drinks in this hypothetical) he is being coersive and that is sexual assault. That’s why things got merky, cause actions and intentions are based on context and situation. One woman’s view can be radically different from another. Same with guys, when we do something that we perceive as innocent that same action could be traumatizing to someone for their entire life. This goes to my first thought…this is all “bullshit”…for real.
I say that for one specific reason, its bullshit the way we have framed this conversation and the way we talk about it among each other. We frame it in a way that makes all men look like monsters rather than multi layered humans. We are quick to shun and punish the actions of a few men to represent the majority. Society believes that if they fire the Matt Lauers, Russell Simmons, Bill O’Reilys of the world that we magically solved the issue. Campuses believe that seminars, workshops and putting sexual violence paragraphs is syllabuses will end it. Women think that showing the ugly face of it in guys faces 24/7 will shame men into stopping the acts. No, all wrong, all bullshit. Here’s how this ends, raising men that understand and can end the cycle. This means that men of power (managers, pastors, CEOs, politians and Fathers) are held accountable to teaching men how to behave. Most the men accused expressed one familiar tone “I thought I wasn’t doing something wrong” this is how bad society has failed them. If they were “checked” from the first time imagine the women that would have been saved? This post aint some cuck perspective or simp shit, it’s just me acknowledging the fact that when society has great men, it leads to society having safe happy women. And women should support and uplift the men who do right, because that’s how you change society you reward good behavior. When we come together as opposed to divide, we lift and create a better world! Instead of sayin “MeToo” lets hashtag #BeBetter to all men and women, let’s have real conversations to construct rather than destroy. Let’s make a vow to #BeBetter as men, #BeBetter as women and #BeBetter as humans.
P.S. read Billy Bush’s article. It’ll give you some perspective.