“why did you even deal with her?”
“you’re better than that!”
“that was a waste of your time”
“wow, that’s what you did”
“DAMN, That’s what happened?”
“Why did you do that, you deserve better’
I’ve heard these before and I’m sure you have too. All of these have one theme and it’s in the title: self-worth. I find that we live in a time where we know our worth but DON’T at the same time. We measure each other’s value on how many followers we have, the quality of pictures we have, how much “success” we’re having, how much money we have, how fly are clothes are looking, etc. We measure our worth in the most superficial ways.
Is it human nature? Is it a sign of the times? Is it capitalism? Is it North American culture? Is it how men are raised? Let me tell you the truth, it’s all of these combined. We live in a selfish age and a selfish time. We pick to Retweet a movement to prove we have morals instead of going out to do the work. We take photos with our baby cousin to prove that we’re good with kids. We take gym selfies to prove we care about our health. All of this because we want to show or “worth”. All of us trying to create a story of how valuable we are to reach our desired “level”. In Sociology this concept is called Social stratification which essentially means we, as a group of people, work and try to reach higher levels of social and/or material proof. But why am I even writing about this?
Because I have reached a crossroad that everyone must reach, evaluating my self worth. Everyday people work jobs that they are overqualified for, relationships that they’ve outgrew and stay at the same place they grew up. I want us to break these chains. My journey to figuring this out was a few weeks ago when I was seeing a someone, I quickly realized that she was not worth my time, energy and commitment. The problem was I felt comfortable with her I didn’t feel challenged, I lowered my expectations, I settled. I didn’t feel like I deserved better, my self esteem was low. Never again.
One of my mentors (shout out JJ) once told me “people treat you how you let them treat you” at the time I thought it was a weird saying but he was spitting facts. I let her (and others in life) treat me worse than I actually am. A strange thing happens when you don’t know your value, you start believing what others SAY your value is! You build a script in your head of what THEY think you are and you appease their views. It’s easier to fall down to what they expect and you rationalize it. For me, I saw it as being kind to her, being compassionate but that wasn’t the case. It’s because I was
a pussy weak and did not understand my worth. My time, energy and spirit. This has led to some uncomfortable thoughts and reflection about life and the future.
But I embrace it. Rather than let the “what if” of life circle my mind and get flushed down the toilette I want the “I will”. I will NOT deal with someone beneath me. I will do better. I will NOT waste my time. I will take control of my time. I will take risks to get where I want to be. I will reach my goals and dreams.
I will know my worth and never settle because I’m “comfortable”.
I hope you do the same.