3 reasons why the Cleveland Browns will be Brown

3 reasons why the Cleveland Browns will be Brown

Yup the Browns look beautiful, as a Ravens fan I HATE THIS! But as a football fan my d*ck is hard as a rock (no homo)! The New York Giants are in Arizona Cardinals “WTF IS WRONG WITH THESE N*GGAS???” territory. When you trade OBJ, the 3rd best Wide Receiver on this planet and top 15 player in the league for pennies you know something’s wrong. Before y’all jump on this Browns Bandwagon here are 3 reasons why the Browns will be Brown.

  1. Freddie Kitchens : Folks wanna pretend that football is just about players…NOPE! No it isn’t. Maybe in the 90s and early 2000s but the modern NFL is about COACHING, this is why the same coaches make the playoffs and Super Bowl. Fam who tf is Freddie Kitchens? I literally had to google him two minutes ago. He hasn’t proven a single thing in this league and comes from a weak coaching tree. Take this in: Since Bill Belichick was fired in 1994 the Browns have had 11 different coaches ! I wouldn’t be surprised if Kitchens joins this list of former coaches
  2. Chemistry: Sports media is stupid, ESPN and Fox Sports want you to think that OBJ, Jarvis and Baker are going to take over the league but they casually forget that this team has 50 other players. They forget that this team had Josh Gordon (who is better than Odell when healthy and focused), they forget that Jabrill Peppers was going into his prime and had pro-bowl talent, they forget that football demands excellence on all sides of the ball to WIN!!! Ask Kansas City, this league is not ALL OFFENSE. Chemistry on Defense, Offense and Special teams will play a MAJOR role!
  3. History: Someone said “to know the future you must look to the past” and the past tells me that Cleveland Sucks, and they will continue to suck. Freddie Kitchens ain’t Sean McVay, Baker Mayfield isn’t Patrick Mahomes and Odell is not Khalil Mack (a franchise shifting player). This team is Fast and Furious, fun to watch but will never win an Oscar. This team is casual sex, Fun at night but regretful in the morning. This team is the Cleveland fuckin Browns and they will be Brown.
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This is going to be the WILDEST Wildcard Weekend of ALL TIME

This is going to be the WILDEST Wildcard Weekend of ALL TIME

I don’t know what’s more juicy, a fresh watermelon on a hot summer day or Lamar Jackson running between tackles for a 30 yard TD. I’m looking forward to both! Here are my predictions for this JUICY weekend!

Today 4:35 pm  Colts vs Texans

honey badger

Texans: I can salute the Colts amazing O-Line and what Andrew Luck has been doing this season, I can salute Darius Leonard (Defensive player of the year candidate) but I can’t ignore one guy TYRANN MATHIEU ! Plain and simple the defense is going to win this game for Houston. This game will be a 32-27 shootout with the last 4 minutes 4th quarter being the deciding factor. I trust J J Watt or The Honey Badger to create turnovers. Watt has a career high 7 Forced Fumbles and Mathieu is having a pro bowl worthy season. On top of that the Texans are 6-2 at home, after this they’ll be 7-2.

Today at 8:15 pm Seahawks vs Cowboys

zeke

Cowboys: I HATE THE BOYS…If you’ve read this blog you know that…but I know football and the Cowboys are better than the Hawks. One simple reason: Zeke will be unleashed. He averages 20 rushes and 112 yards vs the Hawks (according to PFF) which gives Dak enough time to find Beasley and Cooper on the seam. Cowboys control the pace and that’s how they win tonight. 18-7 then they get slapped by the Rams/Saints next week and my smile is bigger than Zeke in this pic!

Tomorrow at 1:05 pm Chargers vs Ravens

lamar jackson

Ravens: Am I a Ravens fan? Is China hacking phones? Is Trump gonna win in 2020? Do my balls stink? Yes, Yes, Yes and ABSOLUTELY. Marty Morningweg is a terrible Coordinator but he’s consistent, he’s gonna make us run the ball 40 times. LaMARVELOUS Jackson and Gus “the Bus” Edwards which will kill the clock and force Rivers to throw risky passes that Marlon Humperys will intercept. 21-14 tough physical game.

Tomorrow at 4:40 pm Eagles vs Bears

khalil mack

Bears: Sorry Eagles fans Nick Foles will run out of magic. We all know about the Bears defense, the only way they lose is if Trubisky gets 3 or more turnovers. The Bears defense alone can take them to the SB and despite the late game heroics of Foles I can’t imagine an Eagles win. 34-28 nail bitter with Khalil Mack getting a pick 6 or a scoop and score fumble recovery.

 

The Patriots are done

The Patriots are done

I love Week 15-17 of the NFL season, because you find out who has balls (literally). The defenses play better, offenses thrive or die and special teams become special. Overall we see the same trends with the past 5 years: Cowboys barely make it in, Ravens flop :(, New England is 1st or 2nd seed and the NFC is a mess with one or two teams that are clearly above everyone. Here are 5 of my bold predictions of the next 2 weeks of football

  1. The Pats are done: Gronk can’t get separation, Brady’s O Line is trash, Bill isn’t making the right calls and the Pats defense is pathetic (Even with the refs help) The Dynasty is over, they will never make another Super Bowl. Praise God!
  2. The Bears are going to Atlanta: The Bears are better than the Rams and the Saints. This is not even a discussion…Trubisky is in the Dak Prescott “meh” QB discussion but let me make this clear, the Defense is why they’re making the SuperBowl
  3. Cowboys aint making the playoffs: they can’t sustain a consistent offense and the Eagles are gonna take this division with a 9-7 record under Super Bowl MVP Nick Foles
  4. Lamar Jackson will take the Ravens far: Every Ravens team that made it to the superbowl had two things in common, amazing runners and amazing defense. Lamar Jackson opens up the run game so much and the defense leads the league in turnovers, we know how this goes!
  5. The Chargers are the best team in the NFL: I hate to say it but its the truth, even with their stars injured its a “Next Man Up” mentality, this team is playing possessed. That’s what you need in come January, strong defense and resilient O.

WTF happened last night?

WTF happened last night?

If you and countless football fans stayed up last night to watch the draft…imam clap for you…we got a show!!! And in typical Dallas Cowboy fashion it was long, elaborate and highly questionable. But I won’t waste your time, when I finally shut off the TV after watching 4 hours of draft coverage I had one thought in my mind “WTF DID I JUST WATCH?”! I was on the edge of punching a wall and getting a beer to celebrate (but I live in Ottawa and all the bars are dead at 1130pm). Here is my quick analysis of what happened last night. Winners, Losers, Surprises and Predictions, lets GET IT!

Winner

Baltimore Ravens

Simple, the main need was a Wide Receiver because we had the worst passing offence in the league, Joe Floppo Flacco was averaging 5.7 yards per attempt last season…my 7 year old sister can do that. Instead of taking Calvin Ridley or DJ Moore he grabbed a big Tight End, Hayden Hurst, who is projected to be the next Travis Kelce. Since our Offensive Coordinator is addicted to check down plays why not grab a big 6’5 260lbs guy to take it in the middle (no homo).

NO ONE believes in Flacco anymore, last season was his worst statistically…this is the first season I believed those “Joe isn’t Elite” memes that NFL fans love to use. It’s simple, we can’t win with him so Ozzie came up to grab LAMAR “THE FUTURE” JACKSON! Biggest steal in the draft! Lamar has the drive, skills and hustle to take us to another SuperBowl and a great Mentor in Robert Griffin III, my prediction is that we trade Flacco at the end of this season, RG3 and Jackson battle it out for the starter spot. Since RG3 is the football Derrick Rose, he’ll get merked and the Lamar Jackson era will begin.


Honorable Mention

New York Giants: Saquon Barkley is going be the best Running Back they’ve had since Tiki Barber, rookie of the year candidate, you heard it here first.

San Diego Chargers : Derwin James and Casey Hayward…just imagine that secondary…maaaan I feel sorry for AFC West trash QBs and Wide outs…my gawd…

 

Loser

New York Jets

Sam Darnold doesn’t like the Jets he never wanted to be there, Josh Rosen was literally right there…Sam Darnold is gonna be Mark Sanchez and that is not a good thing. With 4 WHOLE ASS QUARTERBACKS on the depth chart the New York “we’ll find a way to fuck up” Jets decided to get a 5th one. Terrible decision…why not get a strong O-Lineman? Why not support your terrible defence by grabbing a reliable Defensive End…Bradley Chubb was right there. I just feel bad for Todd Bowels, he’s going to get fired for this headass decision…Sam Darnold has BUST written all over him.

New

Honorable Mention

New England Patriots: Yes I said it…the Pats did not need a Running Back and on top of that they didn`t get a reliable one. Sony Michel will not succeed in Belicheik`s system, that`s a fact, they should have got Guise from LSU.

Bengals :….wtf did they do?

Surprises

  • Baker Time in The Land? He is not Johnny Manziel but the mans has the potential to be, especially with the homie Josh Gordon and JR Smith in the same city, I give it 3 months till we have a cocaine and hooker scandal. Baker has the potential to be great but so does everyone in the first round, he needs leadership and guidance, two things the Browns have NEVER had. We might be looking at the Brown’s 29th QB change since 1999…
  • Shaquille Griffin getting Snubbed! He is clearly a first round Linebacker and to see 3 guys that play his same position get drafted beforehand was shocking and pathetic. Let the man BALL
  • Lamar Jackson as the last pick ! To be real I’m not complaining too much cause I love him on our Ravens but I expected mid 1st round or even going to Arizona
  • Josh Rosen slipping ! He was predicted to be a top 5 pick and even the 1st overall pick on some boards, to see him slide to 10th was almost as bad as seeing Jackson slide to 32

Predictions

Only Jackson and Mayfield actually become elite/pro bowl Quarterbacks, Rosen, Allen and Darnold remain 2nd string guys or go to the CFL.

The Cleveland Browns become relevant in 2 seasons and take the AFC North title.

Saquon Barkley or Calvin Ridley win Offensive Rookie of the year

Bradley Chubb walks away with Defensive Rookie  of the year easily