Sex matters in every relationship you will be in

Sex matters in every relationship you will be in

I’ve been doing a serious of daily questions on my Instagram (@jeanviews) and my recent one asked: Does sex matter in relationships? The results of the poll didn’t surprise me AT ALL. 90% said Yes and 10% said No. But the truth is, this poll should have said 100% Yes and here’s why…

Relationships are complicated and there is no exact science to figuring them out, especially with the times we live in. Understanding dynamics and social norms in cultures evolves every damn day. From swiping left and right to meeting someone at the bar we can talk about ways of meeting folks but we have to understand one thing: Sex is key in ALL relationships. Why? Because your views on sex and how you perform can make or break a relationship.

Some people believe in abstinence, no sex before marriage, while others think sex is important in figuring out who you want to marry. This can be a deal breaker on both sides. Let’s say you are abstinent and your partner isn’t, that can end the relationships because y’all want DIFFERENT things! Y’all do not relate therefore why are you in a relationship?

One of the top 10 reasons for divorce is lack of intimacy and let’s keep it 100 , a lot of married couples don’t have sex. Your views on sex matter so much that dating websites literally ask you to put that in your bio and people GLADLY put it there. No matter what relationship you’re in: short, medium and long term, sex will always matter. And that is the hard truth 😉

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My problem with Sugar daddy/baby movements

My problem with Sugar daddy/baby movements

We all joke about it and play out the scenario “what if you got a sugar daddy/mommy? would you do it?” and while most of us say no, deep down A LOT of y’all are lying. I’m a believer in history repeating itself and before I even started University there was an old cliché of Stripping to pay for Tuition. You’d hear it in movies and obviously in real life and yes I know girls who strip to pay bills. This whole Sugar Daddy/baby movements is the same damn thing, but on top of that it’s modern day prostitution and we need to call it out!

I ain’t a puritanical person, matter fact I’m a savage! Straight up I can’t even write the things I’ve done because I’d probably spend time behind bars, I am far from being “King Morality”. BUT one thing I can’t respect is women who are dishonest about fucking for money plain and simple. All money is not good money, the way you get it matters and when we look at what these relationships are it’s hoeing. Who do I blame for this? NO ONE ! Why? Because this happened in the past and it will continue, if you’ve been to any strip club you can put up 200$ or less and have sex. If you go on “Seeking Arrangements” find a rich person go on a date to eventually fuck for that 200$ purse/pair of shoes, It’s the same thing! I like real shit and that whole “Sugar” lifestyle is NOT It chief, if you want money for sex just go to Nevada (or Vanier) and walk the streets. That’s my problem with this, it’s fake and surrounded with dangerous power dynamics.

I respect strippers and prostitutes more than Sugar babies plain and simple, it’s a fake hustle and you know who loses most in this situation? The women. Today we’re blessed to be in North America  where women are more educated than men (on average) and have better opportunity to get money independently. BUT these relationships are based on the man (usually) having power (MONEY), literally ruining the work of 1st and 2nd wave feminists. So what’s going to happen next? What has always happened in history, the women that are going to have sex for money will keep doing that, the men who are rich will keep finding poor and weak women to prey on. The cycle will never end because paying for sex is literally in our DNA. But I hope that women (and men) are more honest about their movements, I hope that the next generation of women grow up in a society where they’ll hustle the RIGHT way and have better morals to end this cycle of Sugar.

That is my hope but hopes and dreams rarely come true…

Motivation Mondays: Self-Worth

Motivation Mondays: Self-Worth

“why did you even deal with her?”

“you’re better than that!”

“that was a waste of your time”

“wow, that’s what you did”

“DAMN, That’s what happened?”

“Why did you do that, you deserve better’

I’ve heard these before and I’m sure you have too. All of these have one theme and it’s in the title: self-worth. I find that we live in a time where we know our worth but DON’T at the same time. We measure each other’s value on how many followers we have, the quality of pictures we have, how much “success” we’re having, how much money we have, how fly are clothes are looking, etc. We measure our worth in the most superficial ways.

Is it human nature? Is it a sign of the times? Is it capitalism? Is it North American culture? Is it how men are raised? Let me tell you the truth, it’s all of these combined. We live in a selfish age and a selfish time. We pick to Retweet a movement to prove we have morals instead of going out to do the work. We take photos with our baby cousin to prove that we’re good with kids. We take gym selfies to prove we care about our health. All of this because we want to show or “worth”. All of us trying to create a story of how valuable we are to reach our desired “level”. In Sociology this concept is called Social stratification which essentially means we, as a group of people, work and try to reach higher levels of social and/or material proof. But why am I even writing about this?

Because I have reached a crossroad that everyone must reach, evaluating my self worth. Everyday people work jobs that they are overqualified for, relationships that they’ve outgrew and stay at the same place they grew up. I want us to break these chains. My journey to figuring this out was a few weeks ago when I was seeing a someone, I quickly realized that she was not worth my time, energy and commitment. The problem was I felt comfortable with her I didn’t feel challenged, I lowered my expectations, I settled. I didn’t feel like I deserved better, my self esteem was low. Never again.

One of my mentors (shout out JJ) once told me “people treat you how you let them treat you” at the time I thought it was a weird saying but he was spitting facts. I let her (and others in life) treat me worse than I actually am. A strange thing happens when you don’t know your value, you start believing what others SAY your value is! You build a script in your head of what THEY think you are and you appease their views. It’s easier to fall down to what they expect and you rationalize it. For me, I saw it as being kind to her, being compassionate but that wasn’t the case. It’s because I was a pussy weak and did not understand my worth. My time, energy and spirit. This has led to some uncomfortable thoughts and reflection about life and the future.

But I embrace it. Rather than let the “what if” of life circle my mind and get flushed down the toilette I want the “I will”. I will NOT deal with someone beneath me. I will do better. I will NOT waste my time. I will take control of my time. I will take risks to get where I want to be. I will reach my goals and dreams.

I will know my worth and never settle because I’m “comfortable”.

And

I hope you do the same.

🙂

Thoughts #HurtBae2

Thoughts #HurtBae2

We all saw this video, me and a friend even reacted to it, you can find the clip here and what makes this video so important is the fact that I was right. I wrote a post about this a bit over a year ago and if reading is hard imma summarize: I loved the first video and BOTH had problems. I framed it as Kourtney being naive, not trusting and oblivious…and I wrote that Leonard was brutally honest but kind of an asshole about it. But let’s keep it real after we watched Part 2 a FULL year after, my last post was 100% correct. When they sat down this second time it was more of the same, it was clear they barely spoke since the last video and that they still had unresolved issues.

Continue reading “Thoughts #HurtBae2”

A response to “#MeToo a male perspective”

A response to “#MeToo a male perspective”

As much as I’d like to say “I’m always right” I can’t, because I’m not. When I posted the #MeToo post I received quick hate, I expected it. What I didn’t expect is the views of some of my friends, calling me out for being closed minded and dumb. Here’s the curse of having smart friends, they’ll take time to academically COOK your ass, here is my friend’s response to my original post. I loved it and I know you will too 🙂

” Let me just start by saying that I’m addressing the points that I disagree with.

First, I don’t agree that #MeToo is simply a men’s issue and that the hashtag should change to #BeBetter. The #BeBetter hashtag, I feel take away an important part of the #MeToo movement and it oversimplifies the movement. The #MeToo was originally to show how prevalent sexual harassment and sexual assault are within our society, without necessarily telling your story and feeling as though you are not alone. In my opinion, #MeToo is a movement that aims to resist the system that has historically re-victimized and stigmatized women for speaking out against their abuse and harassment. By re-victimization, I mean that when women tell their stories, for example in a courtroom, the role of the defence lawyer is to minimize what has happened to the woman and to discredit her. By stigmatize, I mean that a label is automatically attached to the women who speak out. They are often held responsible for their own victimization (victim blaming: i.e. what were you wearing, what did you say, what did you do etc.) and it affects their reputation (i.e. some of the Weinstein accusors were blacklisted). These are often linked to the reasons why women often don’t speak out until years later, since they may feel embarrassed, or in a workplace environment, they may fear that nothing will happen (Exhibit A: Larry Nassar). So in my opinion,  the #MeToo give women a voice that under some circumstances would be silent. For any major issue, I think that it’s important to denounce the problem first and then try to find to find a solution. That’s exactly what #MeToo has done: denounce the problem.

Second, when it comes to sexual harassment, it for sure means something different for every woman. It’s that line where women feel uncomfortable with certain interactions. This links with my third point that yes I agree that little boys should be taught better, but so should little girl. One of the major problems I think is that when women speak about their sexuality, they are often shamed for it. So, I think it could be difficult for a woman to “check” a guy about her boundaries. A simple example: a girl gives a guy the wrong number or simply never answers the guy’s text. Why can’t the girl say I’m not interested?  It could be that she’s scared because if she refuses the guy might become aggressive or persistent. Another issue is that girls are taught: Oh boys will be boys in order to render certain behaviours acceptable. The #MeToo movement through the sharing of personal stories has, in my opinion, given women a label that they can use for situations that they didn’t realize was sexual harassment, because “boys will be boys”, even though it made them uncomfortable. So I think that an equal effort should be made in changing how little girls and boys are raised. ”

Thoughts #Hurtbae

Thoughts #Hurtbae

We’ve all seen the video…Twittersphere or otherwise, this trending video of Kourtney Jorge confronting her ex-boyfriend Leonard about his cheating. It was heartbreaking to say the least. If you’re steady living under a rock, peep the video. Now why is this important and why are you reading this? Because shit like this matters. My thoughts on this aren’t controversial but this will build a conversation I want us all to have. One of the deepest human fears is betrayal and this video reveals the ugly face of it. Both of them are in the wrong…I sympathize more with Kourtney but she has her flaws too, I’ll get to that.

Let’s get to some facts, this video is viral because of 3 things. Both of them are very attractive, the raw honesty of Leonard and the overarching concept of cheating. There are parts of this story we won’t know and to be real I don’t care about that. This video is also has high production value. Now let me give you some context, I’m shit at relationships, take this blog with a grain of Saltbae. Facts. Leonard is an asshole but I respect the fact that he was honest. People claim they want honesty but when push comes to shove they can’t handle it! Don’t get it twisted…I understand why people hate Leonard but keep it real if you cheated would you have the balls to tell your significant other? I’ve seen so many people cheat and trust me if you asked 5 of your friends if they have or are cheating 4 of them will say yes (assuming they’re honest friends). Jesus even said “ye who haven’t sin cast the first stone” so get off you’re headass high horse.

The beauty of this video is the story. They meet in unconventional ways, but also the sweetest cheesy way and had a booming romance. They were bestfriends.
Continue reading “Thoughts #Hurtbae”

The Tired Sky

Waking up in a haze of this foggy life

Sit and ponder the night before

looking back as my liver cries

the red bleeding out of my marijuana eyes

staring out of the window into distant skies

seeing nothing

but an everlasting cycle of wins of loses

the loses outweigh the victories

and most would quit the game

truth is we are not the same

when the wind blows and the clouds clear

a more beautiful star appears

The moon which had my gaze

Is gone, covered in a foggy haze

the stars

oh, so many beautiful stars it pains me

to stick to one. It might be

better to see the full sky

but committing to one is a hard buy

A hard sell, because it’s too late my time is done

Tired of constellations, time to have only one